In the semifinals and finals of the 14 & Under World Team Championship I lost both my singles matches in three sets. Up to that point, I dominated every match I played. But in the semifinals, my mind began to crack and I was no longer a step ahead. First, I lost a 4-hour battle against a French clay courter. In the finals I played Kei Nishikori, was up 5:2, 40-15 in the first set, lost that set, won the second set and dropped the third. Donald Young was up next, he won quickly and kept the U.S. team in the game. We had one chance left to become world champions.
The deciding match in the Junior Davis and Fed Cup formats is doubles. We had an hour to get ready for the final match. Our team captain came up to me and said it was up to me if I play doubles. He knew my confidence was down but kept his talk positive and encouraging, and he gave me the space to think and reset. I was given a way out and could have taken it. It would have given me the chance to obviate some of the responsibility in case we lost the championship title. After a little alone time and reflection, I began to think optimistically and focus. I gave myself hope! When that happens, there is no space for fear. Donald and I won the championship match 6-1, 6-1.
Positive thinking won’t guarantee you will succeed but it will give you the courage to act. Negative thinking and fear will keep you from taking the right action. The way to help kids develop inner strength is by teaching them to think positively and shift their mental energy to see opportunities when they face challenges. Below are four habits you can help your kids develop:
Normalize Ups & Downs. Ups and downs are part of life. But we’re sometimes afraid to see our kids sad and disappointed. We take steps to prevent the downs thinking it will keep them feeling good. It’s a short-term solution that could create problems in the long run. Children need resilience but they cannot develop that unless they are allowed to face challenges and experience setbacks. Every child is aware they can fail. It’s thus important to teach them to accept failure and learn from it. That is how improvement works!
If you don’t normalize the downs, they may grow up in denial of flaws or afraid of failure. Both perspectives will prevent them from strengthening character and improving their game. Fear of failure holds the player back – it prevents them from taking on challenges. Denial distorts reality and makes the student blind to issues. That can lead to blaming others and making excuses.
Teach to brainstorm. After acknowledging a setback, the next skill that will help your child overcome the setback is brainstorming. We learned that in school but no one really does that for tennis. Brainstorming is a useful problem solving skill. It teaches your child to think of all the possible ways they can improve any aspect of their game. Do it often and make it a habit. That mode of thinking will help during the difficult matches too.
Teach to hope. Hope is powerful. With hope you can see the opportunity on the horizon. That is a source of energy to keep going. If your kid loses the first set and is down a break in the second, they can either keep fighting, brainstorm and apply themselves, or they can lose hope and feel like there is no way to win. This is why it’s important to keep things positive in difficult situations and point out that there is a way to overcome the setback.
Teach to work consistently. The first three suggestions sound great and cozy, but without teaching your kid to work, those suggestions will lack an important foundation. One can learn to hope, brainstorm, and understand that setbacks in tennis are normal, but you cannot do anything about it if you didn’t put in the work. Talking without doing is shallow and will not create improvement. Consistent work will put your child in a position of experience and understanding.
All four suggestions complement each other and provide the recipe for success. The contrapositive will hold them back. Thus, your main task should be to patiently teach your child to brainstorm, work, normalize setbacks, and to think opportunistically. They will then have the tools of resilience which they can apply outside of tennis as well.